


The Chained Caper

by marcelo



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 10:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21444823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcelo/pseuds/marcelo
Summary: V.I.L.E.'s big plan is going down soon, and Carmen and Jules are in a tight spot. Naturally, it's storytime.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	The Chained Caper

**Author's Note:**

  * For [metaphasia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphasia/gifts).

All things considered, being chained to Carmen Sandiego inside a largish soundproof trunk wasn't, by far, the strangest thing that had happened to Agent Argent during her long if at times pro forma chase of _la Femme Rouge_. But Jules' first instinct was always to focus on the task, and the people, at hand.

"Miss Sandiego, are you unharmed?"

"It's Carmen, Jules. I'm fine. You?"

"The kidnappers didn't use a strong dose of anesthetics. I presume the next step in their plan will happen soon enough that they don't have to worry about us escaping. I wish I knew what that plan is."

"I think I have a pretty good idea, but it looks like we aren't going to get out of here any time soon. How did you find me?"

"ACME picked up your trail with the escape a few weeks ago of The Octopus, the notorious art forger, from the secret cells in Alcatraz. I suspected your involvement due to the lack of violence and the bafflement of the authorities, and asked to be assigned to the case. The escape method - it was the outer wall of the cell, right? The one that looked very old but had mold not native to the area."

"Good catch, Jules. We airlifted a new wall using quiet drones and replaced the real wall by turning that one to dust with ultrasonics. Then The Octopus left through a hidden door in the new wall." 

"I see. I couldn't find any clues about where The Octopus had gone, so I decided to track down the source of the wall. Research showed that only one man had the connections and experience to build an entire cell wall using historically appropriate materials and methods. He wasn't easy to find, but eventually we located Werner Herzog filming an underwater documentary about _ama_, the Japanese female pearl divers. He was literally underwater - he had been living in a transparent synthetic bubble under the ocean for three weeks."

"I hope for your sake he had installed a shower."

"That would have been nice. He didn't deny his involvement with the construction of the wall, but refused to provide any clues about your intentions or location. I noticed that the material his underwater bubble was made of was extremely thin and entirely transparent. I took a small sample from a transparent chair while he was outside taking photographs, and had it analyzed by A.C.M.E. scientists. It was a very unique formula, in fact one believed to have been lost in the late '80s, but a chemistry historian pointed to an R. Buckminster Fuller manuscript that had been recently stolen from his collected papers in the Stanford library. Again, the nature and timing of the job pointed to you, but afterward I found what I considered definite proof of your involvement."

"Embarrassing. Did I get caught by a security camera?"

"You never do, Miss... Carmen. But I found online footage of a masked woman participating in an impromptu court game of basketball in the campus near the library. I knew it was you because of the red attire and, um, the athleticism of her moves."

"Why, thanks. And how did you get from there to here?"

"A brief frame in the footage showed you were wearing a small chain with an image of Saint Nicholas. It's a version that can only be obtained in Vatican City, so I came as quickly as I could. Just in time to be kidnapped, I fear."

"But you did find me. Congratulations, Agent."

"I suppose so, but what of V.I.L.E.'s plan? You said you know what it is."

"We still have some time, so if you want, I can tell you my side of the story."

"Please do."

"It began with Player reminding me that the Sistine Chapel, built in the early XVIth century, measures 40m by 14m, which meant the online chatter he had intercepted about V.I.L.E. intending to steal it was a red herring, pun very much intended. But a bit later he learned about a secretive project by Dr. Angelina Esposito in the Sapienza University of Rome. She and her team were about to complete the first ultra-high-resolution deep scan of the chapel's paintings. Stealing the scan by itself would be of little value, but if afterward something happened to the chapel, they would be nearly invaluable. The scans would _be_ the Sistine Chapel."

"My god. Those paintings are a priceless artistic heritage! Is even V.I.L.E. capable of something that?""

"That and more, Jules. You should always be careful when chasing them."

"I will. But you're also trapped with me in this trunk, I might add."

"Worth it. The important thing was to figure out the details of V.I.L.E.'s plan. I flew to Rome and met my contact in the city, who made a few discrete inquires and found that a V.I.L.E. shell company had purchased materials to make a number of paint bombs with a special pigment designed to make restoration impossible. He also gave me the medal for luck during this job, but if you're going to use it to identify me every time, I might as well give it to you when we get out of here. Anyway, I knew the _how_, but even if I figured out the _when_ and stopped them, they would just try again. In the meanwhile, Dr. Esposito had just finished the scan, and I had to be elsewhere, which meant Zack and Ivy would have to run interference against V.I.L.E.'s acquisition team."

"I read Interpol cables about the Sapienza break-in, but I didn't realize it was them."

"That's because you didn't hear about the street race that took place across campus. The one that ended up with explosions and flying cars."

"That sounds like them. Did they get away with the scans?"

"They did... for a while. It was kept in the trunk of their race car. A street race is the perfect place for a getaway run - you're _supposed_ to drive fast. But during the last leg of the race they had a bit of a bump with some big bald american pilot, and both cars careened off. Then an agent of V.I.L.E. saw the opportunity and ran away with a high-density hard drive from their car."

"Carmen, I notice you said said _a_ high-density hard drive. Not the original one, then?"

"Jules, sometimes I'm very glad you don't work for V.I.L.E."

"Thanks, I guess."

"The car trunk had a triple bottom, and in the middle one was a decoy hard drive. Player loaded into it a superficially precise scan of the Sistine Chapel. If you go deep enough, though, it's quite obvious it's a fake."

"But if V.I.L.E. thinks they have the original, even if they don't, they will still go along with their plan!"

"I know. Anyway, Ivy and Zack gave me the true hard drive, and I gave it to Werner."

"How did you get him to hold on to something so sensitive and, well, illegal? Did you already know him?"

"I met him in Mozambique a while ago. I was stealing a plane belonging to one of V.I.L.E.'s operations; I needed to escape with a vaccine sample they had stolen from a research lab before it became unviable. Werner was also trying to steal the plane. He had ran out of money for the movie he was filming, and he needed an aerial shot for the final scene. We shared the plane, and after that remained in touch. But I think he'd have agreed to keep the scan anyway. When I left him he was taking notes for a twenty-hours voiceover of the scan."

"Did you give him the synthetic material as well?"

"Yes. I made a small detour to acquire the formula and play a very ill-advised game of basketball, and asked a friend to have some things built with the material, including the submersible studio for Herzog. I knew he'd remain underwater for days, and that'd keep the disk safe. By the way, I put R. Buckminster Fuller's notes in the mail, so the Stanford library should be receiving them soon, with a few rare manuscripts from my contact in Rome to compensate them for the inconvenience."

"And Herzog also gave you the contact for the man who helped get The Octopus out of prison. It's not like you to help criminals escape, Carmen."

"The Octopus isn't a bad guy, Jules. He never took a dime for his forgeries. He hadn't even known his arts teacher was selling them behind his back. When I got him out the first thing he asked for was painting materials and an original — making reproductions is a form of art for him — so I settled him in Rome to paint for a bit. Then I got kidnapped by V.I.L.E. and here we are."

"Will the rest of your team know how to stop them? How long do you think we have before the attack?"

"They won't. And I think it happened a few minutes ago. If I'm not mistaken, it was planned to take place while the Pope unveiled Leonardo's _Salvator Mundi_ for the first time after the restoration work."

"Both the Sistine Chapel and the _Salvator Mundi_... With that sort of money they will be able to rebuild their organization very quickly, while leaving you... us to take the blame."

"Neat plan, I admit."

The trunk opened suddenly. A man in a XVIth century metal hat looked down at them while aiming a modern gun.

"Miss Sandiego and Agent Argent, I presume?"

"Ciao, Captain. Do you happen to have a bolt-cutter at hand?"

"As a matter of fact, Miss Sandiego, I do."

As the Captain freed and helped them out of the trunk, Jules began to ask "Your contact in Rome is a Captain of the Pope's Swiss Guard? That's" but stopped mid-sentence as another man entered the room.

Carmen asked "Did everything happen as we thought it would?"

"You were positively prophetic, Carmen," answered the man.

"Your - Your Holiness?"

"I told you I had a contact in Rome."

"You must be Jules! I'm very pleased to meet you. Carmen has told me a lot about you."

"I... thank you, Your Holiness."

It was then that Jules realized the room was larger than she had at first failed to notice. In fact, it was the Sistine Chapel, empty except for her, Carmen, a few soldiers of the Swiss Guard, and, yes, the Pope. But there was also a blank space that was clearly where Leonardo's painting had been taken from, and the ceilings were horrifyingly defaced with huge blotches of white paint.

"We're too late."

"Have some faith, Jules. Send them in, Player."

As Jules looked, Zack and Ivy entered from a side door, controlling a small and silent fleet of flying drones. Under their over-enthusiastic control, the drones flew to the ceiling and seemed to detach the paint from it.

"The plastic! You covered the ceiling with the Buckminster Fuller's transparent material."

"We had to let V.I.L.E. think they had succeeded. Now they'll try to sell the fake scan of the chapel, while we spread a rumor among potential buyers that it's a scam. When they check the hard drive and find the scan is fake, it'll tank V.I.L.E.'s reputation in the black market forever."

"I see. And the _Salvator Mundi_ is a fake, too. The Octopus."

"You should meet him one day, Jules. He doesn't like doing original work, but maybe I can convince him to paint you in the style of La Gioconda."

"I'm not sure how I would explain that to the Chief. Or any of this."

"Why don't we talk it over coffee? Carmen asked me to stay away from the press for a couple of hours while V.I.L.E. attempts to sell their poor wares, and it's a beautiful day."

With those words the Pope left the Sistine Chapel, followed by Carmen (who was getting updates from Player while talking down Ivy and Zack from setting up a drone race in Saint Peter's Square), who was, as always, being followed by Jules.

And the Pope was right, it was a beautiful day.


End file.
